nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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