I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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