i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize