Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize