drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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