i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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