This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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