I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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