Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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