She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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