i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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