i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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