I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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