got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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