guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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