just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize