I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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