You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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