WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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