i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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