Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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