my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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