Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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