STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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