Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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