Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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