Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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