Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize