as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize