Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize