Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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