I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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