Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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