I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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