New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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