I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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