You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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