Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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