I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize