Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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