He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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