i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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