So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize