Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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