apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize