do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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