You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize