you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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