idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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