the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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